the root to ecstasy
~ trauma ties ~
episode 05
Between the banks of pleasure and pain flows the river of life.– Nisargadatta Maharaj
Your dark blue berries, high content fat, you’ve a long flight ahead of you and they’ll support you with that. Yes, for you’re one of the tribe, in spirit a bird, chirping from the Sky, your call haven't they heard. But my Air-borne friend, there’s something vitally important to learn, conscious where you open your heart or to the Wind you might never return. Your sparkling blue eyes, not a cloud in the sky, but careful here on Earth where you choose to fly.
To Native Americans my root bark was well known, injury and wound healing, deep traumas were shown. But only revealed to the eye truly able to See, the Goddess in Red, Yes for she can be found through me. Venusian fragrance, Cinnamon so sweet, many manifestations to the Goddess you might meet. Wrapped in Rose garland, held in loving arms, venereal disease - not just physical body harms. Urethral stricture, oh those old scars, looking for love, but left with other memoirs.
Tension in legs, restricted blood flow, weighed down like Iron, a pain back again that just won’t go. Retrograde rotation, multiple impacts in the early days, Earth’s evil twin, surface temperate levels raise. Poisonous atmosphere, crushing pressure whilst you sleep, awake from 2am, far too painful to count sheep. After your skin, the heaviest organ is the Liver, cleansing your blood so you can better flow with life’s river. But excess heat, without refreshing Water supply, anger soon rises, how dare life my plan deny.
First time so ecstatic, euphoric opening of heart, empathic resonance, conversations with strangers start. Trance music playing, electric green lasers light the ceiling, lifting of frequency, all is one love feeling. Coming up too strong, heart rapidly beating, so fearful this is the moment for your maker to be meeting. Lost sense of grounding that true sensation in legs, disconnected from being, oh those Heaven Earth threads.
Sassafras, the safrole from your roots makes MDMA, the party drug with whom pleasure seekers play. But the days which follow, can feel a little marred, for that depressive come down, can hit bottom hard. Some reach for 5-HTP to soften the landing, so let’s move to the source of this for a greater understanding. 5-HTP is extracted from Griffonia’s seeds, helping with coughs, kidney issues and sweet dream needs. Known to be an aphrodisiac, like Venus after all, connected with Aphrodite, governing Water’s rise and fall.
MDMA therapy for post-traumatic stress disorders, but with true Earth connection, comes natural shock absorbers. Lovingly met by Mother, my darling release all that trauma, let it all go, for what is life, but a true reformer. Such a sympathetic response to any nervous system, relaxing vasoconstriction and welcoming maternal wisdom. The vagus nerve, to fight or flight, but this is your rest and digest, feed and breed invite.
Purified blood now charged with properties so positive, Copper spiral circulation, free flowing not prohibitive. For Venus is also known as Earth’s spiritual sister, divine feminine qualities, are you a conductor or a resistor. Global warming is not out in Nature, it’s only in humanity, so if you want to change the world then first start with your own personality.
Sassafras, a medicinal cure all, easily done when from the five elements you clearly call. Grounded in the Earth, root suckers sent out to form colonies, restoring depleted soils to welcome in diviner destinies. Regenerating quickly after disturbance of the ground, early pioneers but in old forests still found. Allelopathy, biochemicals that influence growth, survival and reproduction, limiting intrusion and other species obstruction. But all colonies are dependent on the taproot of the Mother, supporting their longevity, unconditional life lover.
The taproot grows downwards from the crown, and one could say that's quite the comedown. Living life from the heart means you must first resolve trauma, Sassafras helps here, in spirit a great informer. For the tree of life is but a mirror to the nervous system, but it's only when things align, you remember how much she missed him. Anointed by your fragrant oil under where the waters fall, I could See the rainbow iridescence and your sacred codes install.
These are my own insights, but a great beauty of life is that of perspective, so how might others respond to the spirit of Sassafras, unbeknownst to this being the spirit they are receiving. How might they perceive it through their six senses. How might life shift and change before, during and after the Session. And the river of life flowing between pleasure and pain, find the central channel and swim in your lane.
To Native Americans my root bark was well known, injury and wound healing, deep traumas were shown. But only revealed to the eye truly able to See, the Goddess in Red, Yes for she can be found through me. Venusian fragrance, Cinnamon so sweet, many manifestations to the Goddess you might meet. Wrapped in Rose garland, held in loving arms, venereal disease - not just physical body harms. Urethral stricture, oh those old scars, looking for love, but left with other memoirs.
Tension in legs, restricted blood flow, weighed down like Iron, a pain back again that just won’t go. Retrograde rotation, multiple impacts in the early days, Earth’s evil twin, surface temperate levels raise. Poisonous atmosphere, crushing pressure whilst you sleep, awake from 2am, far too painful to count sheep. After your skin, the heaviest organ is the Liver, cleansing your blood so you can better flow with life’s river. But excess heat, without refreshing Water supply, anger soon rises, how dare life my plan deny.
First time so ecstatic, euphoric opening of heart, empathic resonance, conversations with strangers start. Trance music playing, electric green lasers light the ceiling, lifting of frequency, all is one love feeling. Coming up too strong, heart rapidly beating, so fearful this is the moment for your maker to be meeting. Lost sense of grounding that true sensation in legs, disconnected from being, oh those Heaven Earth threads.
Sassafras, the safrole from your roots makes MDMA, the party drug with whom pleasure seekers play. But the days which follow, can feel a little marred, for that depressive come down, can hit bottom hard. Some reach for 5-HTP to soften the landing, so let’s move to the source of this for a greater understanding. 5-HTP is extracted from Griffonia’s seeds, helping with coughs, kidney issues and sweet dream needs. Known to be an aphrodisiac, like Venus after all, connected with Aphrodite, governing Water’s rise and fall.
MDMA therapy for post-traumatic stress disorders, but with true Earth connection, comes natural shock absorbers. Lovingly met by Mother, my darling release all that trauma, let it all go, for what is life, but a true reformer. Such a sympathetic response to any nervous system, relaxing vasoconstriction and welcoming maternal wisdom. The vagus nerve, to fight or flight, but this is your rest and digest, feed and breed invite.
Purified blood now charged with properties so positive, Copper spiral circulation, free flowing not prohibitive. For Venus is also known as Earth’s spiritual sister, divine feminine qualities, are you a conductor or a resistor. Global warming is not out in Nature, it’s only in humanity, so if you want to change the world then first start with your own personality.
Sassafras, a medicinal cure all, easily done when from the five elements you clearly call. Grounded in the Earth, root suckers sent out to form colonies, restoring depleted soils to welcome in diviner destinies. Regenerating quickly after disturbance of the ground, early pioneers but in old forests still found. Allelopathy, biochemicals that influence growth, survival and reproduction, limiting intrusion and other species obstruction. But all colonies are dependent on the taproot of the Mother, supporting their longevity, unconditional life lover.
The taproot grows downwards from the crown, and one could say that's quite the comedown. Living life from the heart means you must first resolve trauma, Sassafras helps here, in spirit a great informer. For the tree of life is but a mirror to the nervous system, but it's only when things align, you remember how much she missed him. Anointed by your fragrant oil under where the waters fall, I could See the rainbow iridescence and your sacred codes install.
These are my own insights, but a great beauty of life is that of perspective, so how might others respond to the spirit of Sassafras, unbeknownst to this being the spirit they are receiving. How might they perceive it through their six senses. How might life shift and change before, during and after the Session. And the river of life flowing between pleasure and pain, find the central channel and swim in your lane.
* some participant names have been changed for pen names.
* no participants were informed that it was the spirit of Sassafras we were working with until after they had all shared their experience of the Session.
* no participants were informed that it was the spirit of Sassafras we were working with until after they had all shared their experience of the Session.
Celia
Before the Session
I feel that before the session, my life was essentially different. During the time coming up to the session, I decided to travel and ended up traveling to two different continents by chance or by luck, discovering a depth of love and relationship and trust that I had not experienced before. Allowing myself to feel pain, to hold it and allow it but at the same time know that it's transient, that it brings me a gift and that the gift will stay even after the pain goes away. I discovered in the days coming up to the session how to become the antidote to the poison I saw around me by just simply being in my energy and my light, connecting to the guidance that innately comes through me in the form of joy, sharing sincerely from the heart. And it's not a thing of not allowing the world to touch us, because the world does, and it's not about not allowing things to move us, because to grow we must move. It's recognizing that even when you move, you can flexibly come back into your energy, you can take it with you. Deeply understanding what has happened through that movement. And though this might be a little bit cryptic, I'm guessing you understand what I mean. When I came back from my trip, I decided to leave my house and I'm now in the process of moving into a place where I feel a calmness I don't think I've ever felt before. The world is shifting around me and my world is turning inside me… At the same time I feel this grounded calmness, a sense of gratitude and love that allows me to hold change and challenge as something sacred, not as something to be scared of. This for me is a radical change. I've always been brave, but felt a lot of fear. And sometimes it's not about what you do, it's about the way you experience and feel in the process. And I feel that now the way I experience the process comes from a different energy, comes from a different trust, and comes from a place of love, of knowingness. I feel it's the time for a new beginning. It is the time for a new beginning. And I'm so thankful. There have been times along the days coming up to the session and the days just after that I felt an urge to cry from gratitude, from joy, from sheer wonder at the magic that is around me. No matter the challenges that are still in my path, I have a renewed strength to be radically authentic, to create from a place of truth and love, letting the fear be here without letting it break me.
During the Session
It has been biographical, past and future, alternate lives. Very beautiful, deeply emotional. I felt it less physical this time, more in the heart. A feeling of beauty, of being held, of wanting to cry for so many good things. I saw a snake, flowers and birds. I feel that the love I feel is a new love, like if a layer had been pealed and can now connect to the core. I’m so thankful, I feel so much love, so much lighter. These past weeks have been so transformative, such deep learnings, I feel like this is a catalyst.
Maike
Before the Session
How to touch with words on an experience that reaches way beyond the spoken language? How to share a felt experience in a few sentences?
This is a try.
Connection. Broken down everything that was going on for me was moving around the topic of connection. A deeply rooted trauma – how to feel safe in connection. Connection to self, connection to others, connection to nature, connection to everything. If there is a part of me that feels so shaken and so frozen at the same time– how to connect with it, how to be with it, how to listen to it, how to integrate it back in?
It was a challenge to remain (or maybe better to say to try to remain) connected with my body where all of this is moving in and through. How to not dissociate but again and again connect. Certainly finding myself falling back into coping mechanisms to be able to deal with all going on. One of them feeling the need to hide myself away from the outside world – as hiding feels way more safe then connecting.
In a way that sounds quite ‘negative’ trying to explain the experience in the run up to the session, but it wasn’t – it was challenging yes but I always knew that something is waiting on the other side that is so worth it. At all times there was a part of me that was calmly watching and holding space for myself.
This is a try.
Connection. Broken down everything that was going on for me was moving around the topic of connection. A deeply rooted trauma – how to feel safe in connection. Connection to self, connection to others, connection to nature, connection to everything. If there is a part of me that feels so shaken and so frozen at the same time– how to connect with it, how to be with it, how to listen to it, how to integrate it back in?
It was a challenge to remain (or maybe better to say to try to remain) connected with my body where all of this is moving in and through. How to not dissociate but again and again connect. Certainly finding myself falling back into coping mechanisms to be able to deal with all going on. One of them feeling the need to hide myself away from the outside world – as hiding feels way more safe then connecting.
In a way that sounds quite ‘negative’ trying to explain the experience in the run up to the session, but it wasn’t – it was challenging yes but I always knew that something is waiting on the other side that is so worth it. At all times there was a part of me that was calmly watching and holding space for myself.
During the Session
Body settles easily, mind is busy. Some little aches and pains moving through - mainly on right side. Feeling really cold, also have been cold all day. When the mind quiets drifting into a very peaceful state. Somewhere on the line between sleeping and waking. Held in warm arms, nothing to worry about - just to be. my cat laid on top of me pretty much from beginning, he had like little shocks going through his body. there were many more things going on where I don't have any memory of now.
After the Session
The day after the session tends to be a little rough, I felt really tired ready to remain in my cave not talk to anyone, not see anyone. Though knowing that this will shift I allowed myself to be with it, spending time with animals in nature - the best medicine.
And then there was the shift.
Feeling a whole new sense of calm and connection. Feeling my space / my boundaries and knowing that connection happens on the edges. A whole new sense of safety within myself.
As mammals we are made to be in connection – and this let’s call it ‘birthright’ is something that I now feel again. A true gift that I received from the spirit of sassafras – to be in connection. With myself, with others, with everything that exists. A natural state of being restored. Feeling connected to humanity in a different way- yes human life is stunning but also very hard at times.
Maybe it is the awareness of that, of the suffering that we all carry together, that compels us to share the burden and make our way home together.
Sharon
Before the Session
Deep old wounds rising up for another round. Feelings of frustration and anger at times. Ruminating on old hurts. Childhood sexual abuse issues. Had several uncomfortable days during this time while I worked through these wounds.
Old coping mechanisms surfacing to cope with the increase in anxiety and nervous system kicking into flight mode a lot.
Pain in lower back and issues with breathing (had several bouts where asthma was bad). Experienced dizziness and fogginess. Forgetting words and train of thought. Body temperature fluctuating from really cold to overheating.
Moments of panic about the future and my path forward.
Vivid dreams throughout, some very disturbing.
During the Session
WOW! What a powerful session. I felt this beautiful strong and yet somehow also gentle healing energy flow into me from the minute I started the first song. I could feel tingling and healing in my whole body. Apart from some pain in the toes in my left foot it was a very loving experience.
I felt myself floating through the air with the Plantally spirit, although I couldn’t make out what the spirit was. Orange, amber and gold colours present.
I was shown relationships that are falling away and why this is happening as it's not aligning with my path. I was shown more of my path forward and the continual clearing of lower energies to allow me to embody more of my lightbody, bringing in more light codes to anchor into earth.
In the last song I found myself in an ocean with mermaids in a circle. There was a very deep hole in the ocean floor and then a huge electric eel burst out emitting so much light energy. When the eel went back into its home in the ocean floor the current drew me with it and in the eel’s home I saw a little ball of light. As I went to get it I realised it was a traumatised part of my Inner Child. I picked up the ball of light containing my Inner Child and as I started swimming towards the top, I was joined by more balls of light, all traumatised versions of my inner child. When we reached the top they all came out of their protective balls and breathed huge sighs of relief.
After the Session
I still feel the medicine at work and have noticed a big shift in my mindset. I have had several clear profound visions about the future and feel confident in taking these steps despite going against how we are conditioned in society.
My energy feels a lot lighter and the anxiety and anger I was experiencing before the session have subsided. My nervous system is in a much calmer state and my confidence has increased.
I have been sleeping a lot since the main session and have felt much healing happening within
Ailsa
Before the Session
Increasing intensity in the 3 weeks or so before the session. Strong themes were being awake in the night, quite early on, between 1-3 am ish, use of bathroom. Body aching and cold, going with the flow of the energy, some changes in eating habits and taste.
During the Session
Just before the session began I felt some pulling in my left knee and awareness moving through my body. Strangely the first phase of music seemed slower this time; not possible I know.
Saw bull rushes by slowly moving water, small river, birds around. Saw a tiger, emphasis on teeth and eyes.
Head became hot as I felt Andy’s hands on it, momentarily tearful, then pointing out to myself that I am his mother, as was thinking of him.
Having felt cold past couple of days particularly felt waves of warmth wafting upwards through my body to join up with the warmth in my head. Awareness in back of head and neck.
Calmness, gentle optimism, warmth. By the end of the last phase of music could have drifted into sleep. Kind of felt like the end of an era, in a positive way
After the Session
One day of calm, relaxation, felt like moving into a new and different phase.
Then body very heavy, aches in lower back, little energy, cold. Feeling like a new and different medicine is moving into. Aching and stiffness in left shoulder. Sense of acceptance and trust with what is to be and to continue to go with the energy that is moving forwards
Cony
Before the Session
The days leading up to the session were intense. I woke up feeling my heart pounding, my body charged with emotions. My mom was lying beside me, and I held onto the last moments with her before leaving Chile, before leaving my family, my motherland, again. The pain of separation was sharp, but beneath it, I could sense something deeper shifting. This trip had touched something in my lineage, something old and raw, as if ancestral threads were being rewoven.
And then there was the anger. Anger at my ex-partner, at the way he left. The betrayal still echoed in me. And just as I sat with it, an email arrived. He sent the money he owed me, along with an apology, an acknowledgment of his absence, his lack of commitment. His words carried gratitude for the way I had shown up, for the love I gave. I felt a rush of emotions: relief, sadness, grief, gratitude. It was all tangled together, impossible to separate.
I arrived in Portugal carrying all of this. A friend welcomed me into his home, into his presence. There was a connection…sensual, grounding. It felt good to be received, to land somewhere soft, even for a moment. But once I stepped into my own space, loneliness crept in. The grief of everything I had left behind settled into my bones.
And then there was the anger. Anger at my ex-partner, at the way he left. The betrayal still echoed in me. And just as I sat with it, an email arrived. He sent the money he owed me, along with an apology, an acknowledgment of his absence, his lack of commitment. His words carried gratitude for the way I had shown up, for the love I gave. I felt a rush of emotions: relief, sadness, grief, gratitude. It was all tangled together, impossible to separate.
I arrived in Portugal carrying all of this. A friend welcomed me into his home, into his presence. There was a connection…sensual, grounding. It felt good to be received, to land somewhere soft, even for a moment. But once I stepped into my own space, loneliness crept in. The grief of everything I had left behind settled into my bones.
During the Session
Started Feeling restless.
Sadness rising… tears came, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself, resting my head against them. In that moment, I felt deeply connected to myself, as if I were holding all the parts of me… the ones that are suffering, angry, sad, disappointed. I was soothing myself.
Images of whales and water, wings…
I saw myself as a Native American woman, wrists bound in chains. Then, a Native American man appeared, releasing me. I was free. He embraced me, and I felt safe.
Drums, fire, horses…
The medicine is moving through me, touching my heart, my whole being. I’m lying down, surrendering. It’s time to release the deep suffering I’ve been carrying, time to set myself free.
My jaw relaxed, but tremors ran through it.
My yoni pulsed… physical healing unfolding, a reset taking place.
At the end, Lua my cat came and lay on my legs, near my womb.
After the Session
Even after the release, the visions, the deep connection I touched during the session, the loneliness lingered. The loss was still there, moving through me in waves. The medicine worked its way through my system, unraveling, resetting, but the ache remained.
There’s something tender about being in this space…raw, emptied out, yet still carrying a quiet longing. I know this is part of the process, part of the unwinding. I’m letting it be.
There’s something tender about being in this space…raw, emptied out, yet still carrying a quiet longing. I know this is part of the process, part of the unwinding. I’m letting it be.
Maya
Before the Session
This was and still is the toughest one so far.
The days before the session I was trapped in feelings of brutal aggression in exchange with complete numbness and absence of joy. Deep despair, in agony, no perspective. Old childhood traumas rising.
During the Session
The session itself brought the physical imprints of heavy past life traumas into consciousness and the spirit worked its way through my body, releasing them.
After the Session
The day after the session I felt like a truck had hit me and I didn‘t find my way out of this feeling so far. Aggression and darkness dominant, so much inner pain, it feels as something would suck every joy, courage and trust out of me. Feeling completely lost.