cone but not forgotten

First of all, thank you for having me here Andy. I feel blessed to share this personal journey, even though I am a bit nervous too to be honest. To share some deep, intimate thoughts and experiences about me to the world it’s something I’ve never done and it makes me feel very vulnerable because I won’t be showing you the beautiful white swan on the lake, that I normally try to be.

My name is Vivian, I‘m in the last years of my 20s and my goal was to move to the ocean before turning 30. I know it‘s just a number, but sometimes I need a deadline to get myself moving. So a few months ago, I moved to Portugal, to live at the ocean and it‘s the first time I have a feeling of being home in a place. It’s a wonderful feeling to slowly arrive here in this place and to myself. The call of the ocean is strong for me as, I love to be in this element of nature. I love to surf and to be in the water. It connects me with myself. It shows me so many things and it makes me feel alive. Water for me is life and I need life. I feel at home in the ocean.

I grew up in Switzerland and it’s thanks to my parents that I got into this beautiful spiritual journey at a young age. They taught me some spiritual wisdom, that there is more on this earth than what we can perceive through our five senses. Angels and energies, the ability to direct energy by intent. They showed me that through their being, through their living. With my knowledge and my experience now, it was the basics that I learned from them. To heal and go deep inside from there was and still is missing. Today i would say that I have a good relationship with my parents, something that wasn’t always the case.

During my yoga teacher and energy healing training I made many beautiful experiences with myself and others that brought me deeper into the world that is perceived through our six senses. One of them being the experience that you can support healing in others without any physical human touch. For me this is one of the greatest things I felt and saw. Breathwork being one strong example for me, that just by influencing the breath you can access emotions that are stored in the body and bring them out to be released. Or in energetic work by directing things in a certain way emotions that are hidden start to rise up. There is so much more than we can imagine and this ,,more“ for me it’s life.

I am a very sensitive person and feel a lot within me and around me. So with that knowledge a beautiful friend asked me some months ago if I would like to join a session with Andy. And without knowing anything about this work I felt a yes. Sometimes I have a strong feeling that calls me to go for it, and then I trust and go. So here I am after two sessions with plantally. Both sessions were quite similar and yet very different. Similar as in the setup of the sessions, different as the feelings that showed up, the intensity and the journey. But in the end they led back together bringing me closer to myself, working on my body and on my energy field.

A session for me starts way before the day of the main session and ends long time after. A journey that stretches out over several weeks with the main session in between. When I decide to join, my unconscious already knows and different dynamics start to show that i often cannot understand at that moment in time.

Strong emotions rising to the surface. With this session I was crying a lot but also felt a lot of joy. I was strongly triggered in my relationships, especially with my partner who is obviously my powerful mirror in life. Some feelings showed up that I haven’t had in the 8 years of our relationship before. I was scared that he will leave me and I will be left alone. Also my body had different needs in preparation for the session. I needed more food and I noticed having less ground, stumbling while walking. My energy level was swaying between super low and super high. The duality of life was showing itself really extreme.

The session itself for me is a travel to myself together with others. During this journey everything is a little bit more intense than usual, but it‘s a good intense. Showing dynamics that maybe I couldn’t see before, so it‘s worth it for me to go through these intensities.. Everyone is in their own world but thanks to a messaging app you can talk with others whenever you feel it. I feel safe in this space and that helps me in the process. How does that work, what is Andy doing? For my mind it‘s really simple to understand. He connects with what is shown to him to be worked with, animal spirits, plant spirits or higher spirits. The energy from this spirits goes through my whole energy system and ,,make the work‘‘. Et voilà.

I like that during the session we are in a group but still i can be by myself in my safe space at home. I can lay down and surrender to the work that is about to take place. When being by myself I feel the most safe to let all the emotions come out. And it feels nice to allow my emotions to come out, and i know it might be even more powerful sharing this depth with others in physical space journeying together, but I am not there yet at this point, even if I would like to. And that’s maybe also a reason why I share this here with you now.

In the last session I felt a lot of fear about loss. When the session starts, I went through darkness, I was so scared, I felt alone, it was like a black hole, nobody was there. I cried and screamed in my mind to my mom. She answered, I am here always. But it was not my biological mother, it was the divine mother. The left side of my body was very heavy and hot. It started to become lighter with the arrival of the divine mother. I saw myself dying and being born again. It was a white angel who came out of my dead body. I saw a golden light over the whole world. And then really slowly the heavy weight from my left side started to shift to the right side. Like in one body balanced. During the session my dog was in the same room, I was so happy that he was there. While I was going through the darkness I could feel him being scared, shaking, making noises and somehow this comforted me. It felt like he is taking care of me what allowed me to completely trust in the process. It was a wonderful moment in this journey.

When I was six years old my parents got divorced and for my younger self it was a trauma and still is. So I have the feeling this was part of the session. At this point I would like to say that to speak about my parents it’s not easy for me. I bring something that is very private to the outside and out of the family system. I did that a lot before, but not in this way. And on a mental level I know that every parent is trying the best to raise their children, they do what they can and are able to do and that’s okay. My dad had an affair and my mom figured it out after some years. So they decided together to split up. After that my siblings and I lived mainly with our mother. The feeling to be alone, that everyone will leave was very intense during this session. When i was little my parents left when they had to organise their new life again. Also the feeling of being heard was very present in the session. I wasn’t heard by my parents as a child and as young woman. When you are loud or crying or screaming you are making a drama. And with this sharing, I feel like I am doing this for my parents and grandparents and maybe my other ancestors. But it is important for me and the world that our emotional stuff gets seen and heard and by this can leave my system. I wanna be heard and in this session I got heard and this experience is so beautiful and pure healing.

I have the feeling something else also was healing at this process but until now I don‘t know what. I developed a stye on my left eye when I started to prepare this sharing. sometimes I cannot explain. And then I trust and know it will heal and go when the time is coming.

During this time of the session I felt very connected to nature. It was beautiful and scary. I stood in the nature and I had the feeling I am the wind, I am the tree, I am nature. Knowing that I am everything. Yet it was scary as I was afraid to lose myself, to lose the connection to myself.

I went through darkness and then saw light again. It‘s something that I can‘t describe with words. This experience I made with, first the darkness, then the light and then everything is balanced again. That‘s amazing. Mind blowing.

With the sessions, I can feel the ones closest to me (my dog, my partner and my family members) changing and shifting too. Our dog is very dependent and has a lot of fear to be left alone. So similar to the theme that I have been dealing with. In some talks with my partner he could tell to me that with him also something is going on kind of similar body symptoms and emotional rollercoaster like I had. He also had a strong connection to pine during this time. And when I was talking with my brother I could feel something changed. I cannot say what yet but sometimes I just have a feeling and I know that I can trust it. That for me is the confirmation that when I heal myself I also heal others.

There is still not every word spelled out about this session because so many things happen at the same time inside and outside, but I think for now it’s good. For me it‘s a wonderful way to come back to my soul and by that heal myself and others. It makes me lighter.

We live our life forward but we understand it backwards. And that‘s what I can feel more intense after this beautiful sessions. So thank you for this work Andy. It was a pleasure.

This time I felt very rooted in the unfolding process, straight from the beginning. My mind was sometimes wondering if we are meeting a tree maybe – my body felt like a trunk and as if I had a bark or some kind of protection layer around me for the subtle and tender material inside. I also felt very much anchored and that invited acceptance, trust and the possibility of more expansion, exploration and “branching out” as Andy has put it beautifully. Presence. Dancing in the wind but not getting knocked over or flying away.

I could also feel the spirit working in a so far unknown structure to me – as if it went into spaces between spaces. It reminded me somehow of wood. I also had an ongoing sense of smelling fire or wood burning. And the awareness of cycles and circles – circles closing and new circles opening.

In the evening of the journey, I suddenly felt the urge to walk the land here and look at the many beloved pine trees that surround me … When the session started, I saw myself walking through a ring of purple flames towards a huge yellow circle. I had a headache in the afternoon and now it started again. Massive pressure on my head, neck and teeth hurting, sinuses hurting. I tried to calm the mind and surrender and my body started to expand. It was growing roots into the earth, but also on a horizontal plane. I felt information being exchanged, like in a root network or mycelium. This journey was painful and uncomfortable, but I couldn’t move, I was rooted to the floor. Then I saw colorful strings, we traveled into the air and body dissolving into colorful smoke or dust. Mind and headache still crazy, then I’m in something deep blue, I’m floating in the blue, the pressure gets a bit less, I’m sneezing and the headache dissolves. Then I’m deep down in the ocean. I suddenly can’t breathe anymore, it’s getting very difficult. Sweating, trying to breathe. I hear the spirit saying: I have to challenge you physically today. I’m back to the floor, vibrations in my cells. Feeling extremely sensitive, nausea and the sensation of I have to vomit. There was something overall about circles and all the elements AND everything happening in a horizontal level. Horizontal expansion. What a night.

I can still observe the ongoing ripple effects of the session. A few days later, I had the feeling as if I was about to die. As if the crown of my head would open, my soul ready to leave. My heartbeat getting very slow. I had a second of panic thinking wow – really? Now?? Then I relaxed into the experience. It made space for peace and deep joy, rooting me even deeper into the beauty of being alive and being present in the moment. The impermanence of everything and the appreciation of all that is. Once more so many precious insights and endless gratitude for this work and way of growing in life.