sending a raven

~ unlocking shadows ~
episode 11

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."
– Carl Jung 
For some time I’ve known the crow was calling, cawing from trees, their leaves free falling. Greeted by blue feathers, Jay face down floating, your wings I took, but buried your body bloating. Your message delicately delivered dear Hecate, ready to release those shackles, pass over the key. Lost souls trapped in the underworld crying, now’s the time to send a Raven flying.

Who are those whose screams are buried so deep, are they our pains of past in present to meet. Perhaps our ancestors their shadows cast, yearning for salvation to come at last. Shouting and shaking, suffering such harm, their cries in chorus ringing the alarm. Sounds so haunting, downwards they lure, their collective misery now made sure to endure.

Broomsticks waving, cackles and scries, smoke screens disguising their nasty surprise. Wounded witches crafting dark feminine, pointing and staring, stirring poisoned medicine. Familiar faces, our paths have here crossed, questionable actions at considerable cost. Sorceress and enchantress, manipulating light projection, cloaking malevolent motives, hoping to avoid detection. Black cat's eyes reflecting shimmering moonlight, capable of All Seeing in the darkest of night.

Lighting our lanterns for under we now go, uncovering, discovering so more we might know. Spinning around, seemingly walking upended, changing polarities to meet the offended. Restless legs, shaking them free, discomfort caught for all eternity. "Let me go, I want to take my leave", ensnared for generations awaiting reprieve. But it's you who decided to depart for the dark, so on this journey you chose to embark. Damp dungeons, mischievous mist, stumbling through caves, their cobwebs you've kissed. Haunted by hexes those circling curses, brutally brow beaten by spellbound reverses.

Yet your calls have been answered, breaking in to break you out, many lives in training no shadow of a doubt. Scarred and sullied, ripped apart in the trenches, no recovery time to sit on the fences. Strengthening light and spiritual sight, wading in whether it's day or night. For those who are ready to reconcile with the light, these wings will open, together we'll take flight. Hold onto these feathers, preparing to rise, moving through Air, off into bright skies.

Dear friend, those dirty deeds, secretly seeking to satisfy unmet needs, this vengeance viscous, meticulous malicious, that uncomfortable unconscious part, brazenly banished to the dark. All those yearning shall now be risen, from deep within Hades' prison.

What kind of wizardry have you here performed, magic in motion, feelings transformed. I See, you’ve met the keeper of keys, shapeshifting into Crow now freed to the trees. Yes, but this medicine treats not tricks, no spells cast here before the burning of wicks. No waving of wand, nothing hidden up sleeve, hand in hand with life, what wondrous layers we weave. For a white wizard serves nature and nature serves him, many might call that a natural win win.

Corvus, family of Rook, Raven, Magpie, Jay and Crow, reveal locked away aspects now yours to know. Bathe them in your magical light and embrace them as you reunite. While birds of same feather might flock together, you're now changing form with these chains you untether.

These are my own insights, but a great beauty of life is that of perspective, so how might others respond to the spirit of Crow, unbeknownst to this being the spirit they are receiving. How might they perceive it through their six senses. And when guilt, persecution, violation, shame and sins of sorcery are freed from their cage, there's conjuring of space for more loving light to engage.
* some participant names have been changed for pen names.
* no participants were informed that it was the spirit of the Crow family we were working with until after they had all shared their experience of the Session.


Another was going to share on this podcast. They might have touched on how they make musical instruments from metals, their making lovingly guided by their spirits. The sound, its resonance, moving a person’s frequency into its alignment whilst it plays. They previously shared that this was softer and less confrontational than the medicine with which we here work.

Around the same time a friend spoke of the museum of the future in Dubai where they suggest humanity’s greatest health risk in 2030 is no longer obesity but is depression. Sound is now the only goto in alternative healing, the fragility of mind no longer capable of bearing and integrating other forms.

Yes, this is confrontational medicine. Capable of bringing in the raw, wild and transformational power of nature, her floods, earthquakes, fires and hurricanes. I learned this as I was alone in the Amazon, nature herself seeing what I was made of, as she abruptly turned blue sky to dark cloud and watched me sink into the eye of the storm. But many a strong swimmer is born from the deep end and to borrow a quote from Gattaca “I never saved anything for the swim back”.

And so here we are. A medicine that I can only describe as being similar to that of a plant dieta in the Amazon and yet it is more than plants, it is all of nature, the totality of her spiritual essence expressing through all living life. I work for her and she lovingly works through me.

I don’t tend to talk much about my spiritual work with nature, times I have tended to have often been met with that look-away, slight awkwardness, disbelief, oh is that the time I really must be going. Even some of those who know plant medicine can’t quite fathom this. And yet this is.

And in worlds apart but deeply connected, I have worked with nature in physicality for the last 20 years, marrying cultivation and conservation, but that’s ok for this is socially acceptable, applaudable not deplorable. I’ve shared the stage with Sir David Attenborough, won environmental awards and spent time residing in and serving the Amazon, Andes and other vibrant manifestations of nature throughout the world.

But I not only marvel at nature but also at the mystery of this work, an aspect I mean to maintain within my part of the podcasts. What goes on within the group on the run up to the sessions is magical and unexplainable in words, something simply to bear witness, feel and experience, as a group seeks to spiritually sense and scribe the medicine in motion with its crazy coincidences and synchronous synchronicities. A group not on retreat, nor wrapped away from the blaze of external triggers. Dusting themselves off to get up for work, making breakfast for the kids, tending to the farm, living with partners, caring for mum and dad. This is it, life, beautifully and brutally unfolding, learning to release all resistance. Stumbling and remembering, stumbling and remembering. And yes those who dance in the light might still show shadows, those who think the work is done, might find something left forgotten and dear old soul, thou who hast lived an array of lives has perhaps seen and done it all.

So to those resonating bravehearts, who step forward despite the concurrent confrontations, daring with sincere sharing, trusting with constant adjusting and integrating parts awaiting. In the words of Jiddu Krishnamurti

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society"

If depression is described as being low in spirit, then let us raise spirit. Overcome those obstacles, unlock those doors, face those demons and fly gracefully through life.


Immediately sharp piercing in right ear. Heaviness all on right side with left light and upward. A sadness almost overwhelming until bright Eyes said why? Many shades of blue, reminding me how today blue kept catching my eye.

Bones felt super light almost powdery feel. Hound energy: wild, eyes, adventure, loyalty, death. Whatever happened in the session big energy brought me back to my Heart.

Foggy, dense, burning around mouth and then brilliant sunlight. Shoulders expansive, flying, release of burdens. Feet needing to stretch, stretch, stretch- felt amazing and then right foot felt like it had an appendage and was coming out of human form. Scalp feeling super dry. Peaceful.

Infinity, a slowing down, no pressure, plenty of time. As much as you need. Just is this way. Dark night bright light opening up to a path the only one to take. No need to look back. Aho. Gratitude. Dancing Flamenco. Red dress. Expansive. Flying. It’s up to me how each moment is.


I see loads of blue. Bird huge wings above my head crown chakra. Lots of energy there moving. Some weird strange swirling like vortexes in my hands extremely hot. Pain in my right leg, it was like my whole leg became wooden. I saw my father carrying wooden planks, he’s a carpenter. Lower back energy shifted, sacral /root feeling like someone was in the room. I kept saying I’m safe. Moments of ecstasy like I see fractals of light is like an infinite of them I don’t know how to explain it it was like a million of colours lights stars all out togetherness in one big thing. That feeling is like floating, I can’t even breathe I just want to be like this forever. I hear others saying jump in the light (caldura means warm).

I saw blood, lots of it, someone’s wrists cut at the same time with other people, maybe is some kind of ritual. It gets too dark. I floated above it from there and shifted into the fractals floating with the universe.


A few minutes before pressing play, uncomfortable sensations in my ovaries and womb. Feeling the spirit entering over my left side with a sharp movement of my body. "This is over now".. humming sound in my ears. I get shown a deep fountain that is blocked by some stones. The fountain is my heart. The stones get removed. Laying in complete peace, stillness inside, bliss. Countless light beings around, I am one of them. Everything is at ease. Everything is possible. At any moment. Pure light. I can move it around. Light moving through my joints that were very painful last days. I see my Mom and my dad and slowly all my ancestors start to show up. So many. Standing in line. They are here to take off me what is not mine. My body starts shaking from the inside out. Moving fast and uncontrolled. Image of tiles that are flying off me. Feeling as if some of my ancestors approach me and shake up my body telling me that I do not have to carry that anymore. Feeling as if they give me their blessing to live what I came here for. Expressing their gratitude, their trust in me. Feeling their love. Very bloated belly. Like a balloon that is about to pop. Lots of burping. So much tension leaving my body. A lot of heat in my sacrum. Inside and outside my body at same time. Tears flowing over my face. The movement of my body calms down. They are kneeling around me. I can see and feel my cells lightning up, vibrating on a different frequency. Whole body is tingling..still quite bloated..feeling still and calm..blown away by this deep deep and so light at the same time.


I could go deep into the ocean of my fears, I could soar above and access what my mind wants to, or I could lie here, in the current with where I’m at. I float, in stillness. When I open to the medicine the sobbing starts immediately - I turn first to my right side, then after a time, when I felt I was protecting myself - to my left. I don’t ever remember crying in this way. I summon courage to cry like this. I look into a pool to see my reflection and see the divine mother through me, tenderly washing the wounds within with love. Turning them from stone to gold. I watch this unfold with my wounded parts in the reflection, and then dance on. This is a safe space to access emotions so deep.

There are no memories, there is so much sadness. Misunderstanding even. Aches now moved out of stasis, sliding down my cheeks. In a gentle and brief lull, I see myself carried into a space, swathed in purest of white cloth, lain down on a table. Golden rays of light all around. Purity. Tender. I see suffering through the ages, wars, murders, betrayals, crucifixion, hatred. I see myself watching, through it all, absorbing through it all.

My mind keeps coming in, to remember a phrase or remember what I see and then I say to myself I don’t have to do or remember anything, and I’m safe to access what wishes to be seen/felt. More sobbing. No visions. Just feeling. Mind chatter arises, that belief that something is wrong as the mind seeks to numb or put the lid back on as everything turns to liquid.

Guided back to feeling. It is safe to feel. The jaw/throat opens wide as I yawn, and it stays open for what seems like minutes. The sensation of this space is vast. Awareness of voice- not “mine”, thine. I stand in the middle of space, breaking apart into the wind it first appears, like the decay eaten away from the innermost parts, but it’s not consumed, but subsumed- a word that has been with me lately. White feathers everywhere. Being with what is, now, calling to be felt. The felt sense, it hasn’t drowned me, though at times I felt it would. I asked for help many times, I wondered what I would lose. How I would be in the process. It turns out, it doesn’t actually matter. I thank you all for today, for our time together. Andy, I thank you, with endless love. To the medicine, I have deferred this for what seems like eons. Thank you for the slipstream and strength.


I start in a deep dark wood, that turns into a jungle...I am in the amazon. I feel like Mowgli. There are animals around me, and we are looking at a fire, curious, as we have not seen fire before. I move closer, I can feel the heat, though I am not scared. Then I walk into it, I am swept up into a vortex and tumbled around for a bit. I know I am being moved through timelines. I come out and I am standing at the front of Deir-el-Bahari looking across the river Thebes at the Obelisks in Karnak. This is the Temple of Hatshepsut. At first I feel I am Hatshepsut, then I see a cat face, so then I am the Goddess Sekhmet. I am there as a protector. I am here to help Hatshepsut and myself integrate back our power. Deir-el-Bahari was desecrated by Thutmoses III and all the Hieroglyphs of Hatshepsut were chiselled out. Even though Hatshepsut had passed when this was done, I could feel the loss and the loss of herself through this act. I hear reclaim your power back.

I see a white eagle flying above us...then a falcon head...then an eagle again. I can feel the authentic power of the Divine Feminine and then I am shown me as a Priestess of Isis and am asked to integrate both of these powers - the Queen who became a Pharaoh and the Priestess. Before I leave this, I am shown the 3 of us standing beside one another on the landing of Deir-el-Bahari. Then I am a serpent? dragon? swimming very fast through a river. I am in a hurry, there is a child being born and I must be there in time for the birth. I feel I am a protector of some sort? Needing to be there... This feels like China. The child is born and I see myself sweep around the entire back of the room and the child who is a girl looks at me and smiles. She also knows that I am meant to be here. I turn into white stone/rock in this serpent dragon form and here is where I stay permanently.

Lastly shown the area where I am living. A bloody battle between Maori tribes and I see the inlet of water turning red. This is why I am here. I see others helping me, a grid formation around this area the lines of light and connection points between myself and the others surrounding the battle grounds.


Next level uncomfortable… Starting with body dissolving, feeling of complete loss of control. Heart open. I see symbols and drawings connected to Egypt and Mexico. Like looking at a nightsky of gods. Then I feel a masculine presence that is turned into stone or crumbles. It is afraid of something connected with this spirit but I don’t understand why… something dark.

Then my teeth start to hurt, intense tension in the jaw and around my neck. I’m with a man from the past. We hold hands and say goodbye. It feels strange, he is only a shell and nobody inside. Not alive. I realise: doesn’t matter I can just say goodbye, it’s anyway only my experience. In that moment I grow wings and start to fly away. Intense headache, I completely transform into a bird. Powerful like an eagle, but smaller in size. And dark, something unspeakably uncomfortable wants to leave my body. My jaw moves like crazy. Or like a beak. Today before the session I suddenly had the urge to light a fire in the fireplace. The spirit says give it to the fire, whatever it is just give it to the fire. I want to scream, it’s too intense. I start to scream but out comes only bird sounds. Bird language.

Then I‘m suddenly back in the arms of this man. Exhausted. Now he is there but I’m gone. I see my body, but I’m not in there anymore. I’m dead. I walk away, like a ghost. I feel like a zombie, no idea what’s going on, it’s the strangest feeling, trapped in a foreign nightmare. Like in a theater, an absurd play. I feel numb and uncomfortable and it’s scary. Around me other people, like an army of zombies. I‘m looking for help, I’m asking the spirit please can we go into the water or get out of here but the message is no today we are up in the air and it’s not always comfy. I surrender. And suddenly understand this is not my own experience, but of somebody else… The spirit says Yes!! This is to add another dimension/ perspective to your own, so now you understand how hell feels for others. Wow!! I‘m back in my body and suddenly so happy to be me and grateful for my experience of this world!

I’m still with the strong neckpain though. The spirit is grabbing me by the neck and carries me around like a kitten. It’s wonderful, I feel completely loved and bathed in Urvertrauen.

Many more details, like several sessions going on parallel at the same time. Toad very present for me. Egypt again, I’m in a temple. Something coming full circle here or going into the next circle. Very, very uncomfortable. Those are usually big ones for me. Grateful.


I am laying like an embryo on the earth... Movements spreading through my body, being almost boneless, sensual and sexual.... I am all... A turtle passing by, a seal, a monkey, a wolf... And some darkness of what is not wanted to be seen is involved in light and love ... And I am all... Full of gratitude and playfulness....