weavers of destiny

~ hanger on ~
episode 11

"Hunger is the mother of impatience and anger"
– Johann Georg Zimmermann 
Nesting in the dark, hanging upside down alone near the centre, often in the opening of holes, where the careless willingly enter. Silky strings help capture and trap her prey, tying them up tightly so they're unable to get away. Stronger than steel, weight for weight, cocooned in corner, soon meeting their fate.

Don't be fooled by her chaotic, tangled web, it's calculatingly spun together thread by thread. Looks can be deceiving, when your eyesight is poor, so best respond to vibration, to be totally sure.

Tuning her web, spider sensory extension, she feels different frequencies by adjusting posture and attention. Embodied cognition, whole body sensing, opening to new layers through stretching and untensing.

When threatened she might drop down and play dead, or make a sharp exit on a safety line silver thread. But those who dare disturb her lair, oh you'll get much more than an evil stare. When backed into a corner and feeling tightly squeezed, she’ll lash out with venom to show she’s displeased. Muscle aches, sick stomach, difficulty to breathe, just some of the effects her bite can achieve.

In times of abundance, she becomes lazy and ungrateful, but when scarcity sweeps in, mood swings to aggressive and vengeful. To process her prey, she injects digestive enzymes, consuming liquefied food at all dinner times. But if she really has to, she can go long periods without eating, resilient survival, without own energy depleting.

Hourglass figure, statement in red, your patient waiting is over, now crawl into my bed. Twice the size of her male counterpart, dominating his life soon becomes her art. But be sure to first check her web, to confirm she’s already eaten, or after sex you might become dinner, her feasting fangs to sweeten.

Breaking free from some tight well protected cocooning, her spiderlings release silk in the sky, for a new home ballooning. Their stomachs might be full, from sibling cannibalising, but the hot Air soon has them up, from the Earth rising.

Harbinger of death, a bad omen for some, positively celebrated by others, birthing better days to come. A guide for difficult times, navigating the dark web of life, a widow all in black, no longer a loving wife.

Weaving together past, present and future timelines, in each and every moment your destiny aligns. Those skeletons in closet, secretly wrapped away, covered in cobwebs, still controlling current day. Trapdoors sneakily opened to dine on old delights, or unconscious habits that creep out, when you dim down the lights.

Dear friend, many can hold their composure, when left alone and well fed, but skip a few meals and add a little provoking and you might see a different side instead. Ahh the shadow, that many try so hard to hide away, waiting to be triggered to leap out and play. It's been swaddled tightly, but now it's finally broken free, coming out with fangs showing, for all those around to see. Whilst the disempowered masculine might throw himself into her jaws, an overfeeder of the feminine rising cause. A more godly being, like that of Neptune, would never fall foul to her underworld cocoon. The will power of Water and calling on Earthquakes, releases her dark grip and soon her spell breaks. Her two fangs, no match for his fork with three teeth, commanding Earth, not dragged down lifeless beneath.

So to black widow spider, come and untangle this thread, the masculine is your other half, surely better alive than dead. Yes, you might catch him, trying to quickly escape, but it's good to allow the freedom, to choose another mate. Spiraling back to the centre, for it's here we might find free will, was this always the ending or there's another destiny to fulfill.

These are my own insights, but a great beauty of life is that of perspective, so how might others respond to the spirit of Black Widow Spider, unbeknownst to this being the spirit they are receiving. How might they perceive it through their six senses. And the energy now wondrously glowing beneath your feet, gives a warm reception for those shadow aspects to meet.
* some participant names have been changed for pen names.
* no participants were informed that it was the spirit of Black Widow Spider we were working with until after they had all shared their experience of the Session.


I wondered whether to share in rhyming verse, this same medicinal story from another perspective. It might have started like this:

content with own company, self-sufficiently serving, directress of the dark, a label not totally deserving. Perhaps she’s been hurt before, now operating from that place, dishing out same medicine for others to now taste. It’s okay for a man to tie up a woman to do as he will, devouring her juices until he’s tasted his fill. But a woman should be pure, her body hidden from sight, serving her man, never causing a fight. Yes, if the feminine lashes out she should be immediately muzzled, it’s a man’s world, so don’t look so puzzled.

But I now share in another way.

The timing of this session was not ideal from a physical world, human being perspective, what with holiday time in August. And yet it was spiritually written, diarised and set into motion. It’s no easy feat holding space for a session of this kind, I might say that this is deeply advanced work. So I was humbled by those in the unseen who came to support and shine their light on this process – I might make mention here to Merlin.

Many could see the light in the main session, so perhaps it was surprising for them when they heard back this podcast. I might say that there is a direct link between Black Widow Spider and to dark witchcraft. I can switch polarities in work of this kind, moving from seeing the light in others eyes to seeing the dark. Comprehending who is operating from the shadows in this game of duality. This embodied cognition had my own body moving me away from many characters, needing to keep a clear distance. Wonderful vantage points, but not for the faint of heart.

Many people shared about the Wolf appearing in visions, meditations, synchronicities in life. The Wolf is a dear friend of mine, a fierce protector but also capable of playing fetch. Retrieving fragments of soul, power given away, power taken, to be reclaimed in the light for soulful expression. There are those who can walk freely between light and dark, their strength of light supporting such an endeavour – a counterbalancing force. Others might unwittingly venture off but lose themselves and become caught in the cobwebs. Sometimes it can be better to ask a friend for help than to do things alone.

I now share a few things shared in the lead up to this session, applicable to this podcast, to this experience and to this medicine – I wont mention participant names.
Where do I hide away in the shadows to not show myself? the feeling of my ankles being shackled, moved into my wrists as well. body has very specific needs of food, very clean. eating less than normal. feeling strong and agile. Keep seeing a silver shimmering substance that is neither liquid nor gas and a double spiral. one is traced from the inside out and the other from the outside in. it's glowing, sparkling and moving and changing size. sitting up gasping for air to then have a very free air flow.
I had an interesting visit last night in my bed and received a healing sting on the upper part of my left shoulder, direction neck. Luckily the friend wasn't too big. (Megarian banded centipede - a burrowing animal, preferring dark, damp environments) And he connected me to the burning, the fire... Burning away what I am not, gaining consciousness about the strong holding onto of deep old patterns and structures.... What is my personal struggle and needs and how to distinguish between the collective? Taking a risk into the unknown. Becoming visible and vulnerable in that. a lot of burning again and lots of my shadows came into consciousness. I can see more clearly and sharp releasing all the stuckness.
Last night I walked into the forest in the dark, a thing I never did before. blindfold ripped off I stare into behavior patterns where I’m creating my own cage, my own prison.
I feel like I’m hiding in the shadows , fractals of black dots energy Eating junk food, drinking as a coping mechanism I just want to be outside with people Eating so much meat all of a sudden can’t explain it, It’s like trying to fill an infinite void Moments of “forced” staying indoors to lock my doors /windows
The god I saw earlier was there, strong and powerful, highly focused, purposeful positive energy. Centred around my body He was grounding , steering and fixing me. Sense of an animal that spends some time underground.
Clear response to situations- what is life giving vs life draining. how resistance has less grip. The fastenings are not bound in the same way.
Feeling physical change... clearing out what no longer serves and that this is leading to a transformation of self. a monkey with flexibility and agility swinging through the trees.


Already before the session started I felt very restless and still though I had the strong urge to lay down on my back on the floor. Closing my eyes I started to feel like a wolf running fast through a landscape of woods and savanna - there was the feeling I had to bring an important message to the tribe. Soonish a lot of jerking movements of legs, arms And then the whole body started. The whole body was moved from the sacrum upwards with Spiraling and snake like movements. This came in waves and I could feel how the energy was finding her way more and more through the spinal chord into my brain. Somehow I could sense my optic nerves, the eyes were pulled back inwards and the energy seemed to meet at the Pineal gland. New waves came, finding the way again and again into my brain, renewing and energizing sort of forgotten parts I asked the spirit if he has a message - surrender was the answer. And the energy moved even higher to the crown chakra... Again and again my whole body was shaking and jerking... I only felt - let the spirit do! Then I moved and played on the side.... Somehow a dreaming started. I saw a lot of baby turtles coming out of the water onto the land. I was in peace and stillness - felt safe and well cared of.


After checking in coughing and purging, something feels stuck in my throat. Pressing play feeling of Floating. Is it Floating or drowning? Chest feels heavy. Swan session becomes very present. Balancing between masculine and feminine. Rebirthing of a new balance. Face and mouth gently moving. Feeling as if mouth turns into a beak. Eyes spinning, a disk turning in forehead. Lights turning. I see a fox. A beautiful forest with waterfalls. Fairies. Flying high up on tree tops. Feels as if I have no head, rest of body feels very light. The wind starts to howl loudly around my house, I feel a breeze on my legs and with that an incredible strong presence of a huge angel. I open my eyes as it is so strong. with my eyes open I see this substance that is neither liquid nor gas. The feeling of the presence of an angel remains to the end. I am nothing but a reflection of you. you are to bring to light what is hidden in the dark. Mouth opens. golden symbols and musical notes flowing out that are not audible but visible. womb space becomes very present. Floating in amniotic fluid. connection womb and third eye. heat in area of sacrum. lights spinning in hands. floating in an ocean of stars, timeless. out of body. remaining in that space for a while it is beautiful. feeling body again. sadness about human race. big love for animal kingdom. my heart spreading wide open. there was a lot going on that I can not put in words. gratitude


Just before the session began my hands felt heavy, weighed down, needing to keep them balanced. Then lots of movement in them wanting arms to be stretched right out. Became a dragonfly. Hearing extra sensitive and felt like ears being cleaned out and widened so hearing maximised. Attentive to the detail of the music as session began. Saw the same God as seen when first aware that a new session was already in motion. He presented as upside down too this time. Also saw a wolf and an iguana. Saw female indigenous adults and children, I couldn’t tell if they were sleeping or had passed on. Some scenes from the Wild West. Next phase of music in a flat bottomed rustic boat on a river. Saw different types of bird including eagle and macaw and heard blackbird chattering. Saw pink tinted light column up to sky. Gentle, harmonising, balancing


I am the white eagle again. Though this time, it is not just me. My Son is also part of this. We travel through a portal in the middle of the earth that looks like the stars. When we arrive we are Essenes and there at a time of the birth of Yeshua. Animal spirit showing us both that we have this ancient wisdom and knowledge within us. My Son is left here and I am taken through another portal and become a white dolphin. I am then taken to Orion, in particular Mintaken, where have they lost their oceans. First I think this is about preservation, but its more so about remembering. From here I am back on earth and moving through a very small gap in the ocean floor and transform into a snake. I am then shown I sometimes take myself into the dark and lower my vibration in order to help others... as did the Holy Sophia. That I don't need to do this to reach people. Then a Shaman enters my room. It freaks me out a little, so I increase the strength of my light, and then I settle. He asks me to follow and through yet another portal He takes me to a forest. He bends down and grabs the earth and shows this to me. Then a deer appears, and is eating out of my hand. I am air now, oxygen, inspiration and expiration, water and carbon dioxide. Throughout this session, I received flashes of cold, Antarctica again. Pyramids. I then become a Beluga whale. Swimming to great depths in Antarctica. There is something here that needs to be activated / turned on. This spirit is transformative on so many layers and levels. Opening, clearing, cleansing, remembering, showing, connecting, learning, growing, expanding.


Colorful points, balloons rising into the sky. Cappadoccia? I am an animal and I am running. Then movement in my right shoulder which was injured in the last 2 years. Difficulty to breath. I feel the warm earth underneath me and I see a couple. I am the man and I’m a warrior, we have a discussion. A lion comes running. I am supposed to hunt the lion but I don’t want, he is my friend, I bury my head in its mane, I don’t want to be a hunter. This session is the first ever that I am doing outside, on a rock, completely in the open. A shot in the distance. I feel it in my heart. I am shot. Bleeding, turning into flames, I feel the wind, firing the flames up to a dangerous fire. Then I am dissolving into grey fog or clouds. The day was very stressful, my mind wanders into the events of the day. I feel the landscape around me. Longing for this open, this wilderness. The wind. The great open and at the same time it’s dangerous but it doesn’t matter. In the end a feeling of the lone wolf. I’m not belonging to the group, the tribe, the herd and I am in deep peace with it. Strange feeling of being watched and I suddenly realize there is a drone flying over me. Very strange session in the most beautiful setting today. Right after the music ends I get a phone call from the lady that my dog had bitten earlier today. It’s all settled and in peace now. Very difficult, deep and insightful journey.


I see a million things. How do they connect, I don't know. But I trust each one has meaning to me. I see the African desert and it's bright orange rising sun I see the smiling face and glowing skin of the tribal leader. I see the Scottish Highlands. I'm on a boat between the most beautiful Glen. I sense the stealthiness of a being in the forest nearby It watches me. I honour you I say. It says to me you need to let go Let go of what I ask 'Everything' is the reply. How do I do this,I ask. I look at my reflection in the water I see so many faces, all different but all me. My many lives, my many memories I hold on to I don't need to try to remember them all, I am them I've been in this boat before. Avalon I've known you before here, haven't I It says yes. Lemuria too. Magic and Sparkles are words I've heard repeatedly all week, I hear them again They are my gifts. As I hear the wind chimes play in the music, I know my gifts spread just like the wind chimes. No effort it just happens Not for anyone or that I must It just happens because I am me. That's why I need to let go I am ALL that I am. The music sounds Scottish. I smile and chuckle at this. So much humour and joy in this world. In everything. My path is this. Live lightly, live happily. That's why I must let go. How is this all connected to this animal I don't know. But I trust. And I use this time to let go. Of judgement, of meaning, of what others think, of what I think. NONE of it matters. I feel very beautiful, my femininity feels strong with this medicine the last few weeks. Its as if I have a scent. Why wouldn't I, we all do. I feel desired. Kundalini is rising. Lately I have really softened more Into just being me. Becoming less reactive It's making me steadier, more fierce, more stealth. Perhaps like this mighty animal I let go all versions of me. On a wooden raft. With flowers and with gratitude I am guided and watched by this animal. A wolf? A bear? I bring my focus back to my release. Beautifully timed as the sun rises outside my window 548 am I am given the infinity symbol. Endings, beginnings and the interconnectedness of us all. Why I don't need to hold on to anything. For I am everything. And everything is me I ask this animal, How do I honour you and say thank you. It's nearly time for me to go ' Honour you' I hear that's how I feel our hearts beat in unison. This is that interconnectedness It must be I still say thank you. For my heart is full.