the wagtail’s love tale
the wagtail's love tale
~ mother birth ~
"What a mother sings to the cradle goes all the way to the coffin."– Henry Ward Beecher
Flying to the window to catch my attention, days on end, but your name you forgot to mention. Staring into my eyes, sweet bird what’s your intention, sent by Aphrodite for an intervention. I’m not a twitcher, but your name I discovered, spoken of in mythologies, I soon uncovered. Reflection from wing mirror you began admiring, such self-love it’s truly inspiring.
Your playful movement, prancing around, love for life you’ve certainly found. This outlook surely stems from inside, unconditional love lessons from this bird guide. Tell us your secret so hope we might gleam, meet in the otherworld to learn in dream.
Slithering snake cuts through hard Earth and from this a canyon with twin waterfalls birth. Then two hands appeared gently pulling apart, shortly after, the contractions would start. Shock waves through body, ready to deliver, love of the mother, the eternal giver.
A baby was born, but this experience is traumatic, reassuring with breast for calming dramatic. Mother child bond activates milk production, warming to new world with this sweet milk introduction. Soothingly held and lovingly met, maternally nursed through all upset.
But suddenly then old, bed bound and in last breath, I loved every day and I’m ready for death. My story from birth gave me all that I needed, lovingly preparing me for all that proceeded. Life is short, so best enjoy the ride, take all confrontations in your stride.
Wagtail, what lovely lessons you chose to impart, wondrous to feel with true open heart. So to Aphrodite, I went to now learn, closing of eyes in spirit return.
Pushed in wheelchair, damaged leg nerves, resisting life by hanging onto what no longer serves. Aphrodite sprinkled Water over crown, purifying field as this blessing flowed down. Feelings in feet, no longer frozen, joyfully walking the path that's chosen.
Broken mirror pieces, put your loving lens back on, shoot only love arrows at those who do wrong. The pain of being alive or what a beautiful world, seeds of change to be awoken and unfurled.
Aphrodite showed me her affinity with Apple, story of Eve on the roof of Sistine Chapel. Then down arteries in legs it was time to venture, better to release than to become a clencher. All that tension keeps things from flowing, softening of ways comes from new knowing. Where Infinity pools meet with horizon and ocean, water is life, so keep it in motion. When to flow around and when to push on through, that's a good question, the answer up to you.
Dear friend, certainly a secret of life is loving surrender, to the mirror outside of spite and splendour. But what surely helps in achieving this feat, is the love of the cosmos rising through feet. Deep sense of self and inner purity, for clarity of reflection and actions in surety.
Aphrodite and Wagtail come forth with your healing, releasing of old for rebirthing new feeling. Lovingly held by all of creation, now clearly flowing from cosmic foundation. Love yourself for you are all that exists, nothing to resist, so nothing persists.
These are my own insights, but a great beauty of life is that of perspective, so how might others respond to the spirit of Wagtail, unbeknownst to this being the spirit they are receiving. How might they perceive it through their six senses. And when wounded and weeping and wanting mother by side, know the most sacred of mothers is inside.
Whilst this podcast focuses on one story, more sharings can be read in raw after-session written form below.
* some participant names might have been changed for pen names.
* no participants were informed that it was the spirit of Wagtail we were working with until after they had all shared their experience of the Session.
* no participants were informed that it was the spirit of Wagtail we were working with until after they had all shared their experience of the Session.
I was born and raised in Germany. Seven years ago I left everything behind to start my adventure of finding home within myself. My intention was to arrive at an inner state of feeling home within my own heart no matter the circumstances around. Thus, I left with a little backpack and a one-way-ticket in my hand to go on an exploration that my inner child had always dreamt of which was to travel the world by being led by something deeper I did not have a name for yet. I currently and temporarily live on the West Coast of the Algarve in Portugal.
But prior to all of that, my real journey of coming to truth with what my life actually wants to be about started already 14 years ago when I turned 21 and entered a new 7-year-cycle of evolving consciousness. At that time I had no idea of the otherworld. I had lost my connection to the mytho-poetic dimension of life and I had completely shut down from what I had access to when I was a little girl. As a child I would listen to the stories of Mother Earth that she transmitted through the Spirits in the forest. When I was supposed to give myself a fantasy name when playing house, I would very naturally call myself Magdalena.
I have known from a young age that this worldly experience also offers another spectrum that feels cold and dark and abandoned. I knew this very early because my mother told me about her horrific childhood at age 5. Only later in my life I would come to understand that I had already been marinating in her wounds when I was growing in her womb. Sucking in the repressed grief of a little girl that lost her mother to suicide and her father a little later, too. Hearing her silent helpless screams when she suddenly had to be an adult taking care of her little brother. Tasting her desperate salty tears that she had never cried when she was an imprisoned slave at a foster family.
So when I was 21, my first Dark Night of the Soul introduced itself to me. I was tossing and turning at night of sleeplessness. Of losing myself in endless black holes with a fast racing heart in my hurting chest.
I thought I had it all together. I made my A-levels as the first one in my family, I trained as a Media Assistant and just began studying Health Economics.
I had it all laid-out in front of me. The decorous red line in my curriculum vitae. The accurate steps of my future career as a successful independent business woman.
And there I was. Totally disconnected from my inner voice and my physical body. Finding myself in the excruciating pain of numbness and dissociation.
In those nights, I started to sense the presence of my grandmother. The one who committed suicide. Her desperation, her agony. And I was introduced to understanding her mental and emotional sensations of her spiritual dilemma in my own flesh and bones. Years of insomnia followed that would bring me onto my knees. Again and again.
Within those years I would have to be forcefully squeezed through the thin bottleneck of remembering my vocation for this lifetime. It required me to kneel on the ground of my own abyss and collect my dead bones. The encounter with a man which led me to experience my self-abandonment through a heartbreak acted as the spice to the cauldron's soup of my rebirth. It felt as if my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. Only to understand later that it actually was a heart opening. Into the greatest exploration of my life.
I was suffering in my physical body, in my relationships, in my job.
I knew it all came from the same source: I did not live my life from my core, from my essence. Nor did I allow myself to be led by the deeper thing.
The closer I came to the tightest part of the bottleneck, the higher the pressure became for my vocation to make itself known to me. At age 27, a year before entering my next 7-year-cycle, I received my first remembrances of my innate ability and gift of the art of womb weaving that has been passed down from the powerful women of my maternal ancestry way back in time.
As an original organic innate knowing I remembered that our wisdom sits in the portal of our womb. Many many many initiations into the feminine path followed with gazing at my vulva in the mirror to see through the vortex into the eyes of the Universe, with massaging my vaginal tissues with my fingers to feel my ancestral story as a woman I had stored in there, with breathing with my cervix to remember that pleasure is my birthright, too.
Breathing myself back into aliveness. Into the love of the Magdalene Rose circulating between my heart and my womb.
When the plantally journey began, I was just in the beginnings of the womb grail gate journey and mentorship that I was leading for a group of women this time for the first time in my mother tongue German after 6 years of facilitating this work internationally. I felt an acceleration of the presence of Mary Magdalene who has been accompanying me since my childhood, standing slightly on my left side at all times.
I felt a fierce feminine force asking me to amp up my game of speaking my truth. To an extent that I would have to risk being misunderstood in the name of truth. This uplevelling of degrading the sugar coating and the coddling sank into the bottom of my cells. Ready to never leave again.
This fierce feminine force reminded me that speaking truth is love. Love is truth. The only truth.
And speaking it would clear my own inner space to make more space for home in me.
And yet, it seems to be one of the most challenging things to do in this world: to speak from felt truth within. My heart was racing in fear to be rejected and abandoned for it. Or further to again be punished and killed for it. It came with all the shiverings in my throat and the stone of fear in my stomach.
Not knowing it was the Spirit of the wagtail sent by Aphrodite, I encountered her medicine in an intense vivid dream that brought my own personal story and that of my maternal lineage so wondrously together with me taking part in this plantally journey.
In this dream, my mother walked me through a presentation of all of her wounds in her womb. Her traumas and her pain. I could barely look at her or listen to her explanations. There was so much shame in the air that one could have cut it with a knife.
The whole scenario shook me to my very bones. My skeleton was shivering. I could hardly listen to her story. The story of my own mother.
I was reminded of how sad I felt for her as a little girl. Of how much I wanted to take away her pain. And put it on my own shoulders so that she would not have to carry it any longer. With that I not only loaded her baggage on my shoulders, but also the pain of all the girls and women in the world whose hearts and wombs were brutally violated.
The dream shifted into me finding myself as an embryo in her womb. Realising that I was swimming in a wounded womb with all the bloody injuries on the walls. With all of the tender imprints that were so hungry for love. With all the forgetfulness of this, in actuality, being a space of reference and honour.
The forgetfulness of the original primal motherly love. Reaching back through all the perfect distortions to the origins of time. All the way through the umbilical cord to the source of all: The Cosmic Womb of Creation.
Turning forgetfulness into remembrance. That's the task. That's the journey. Bringing the mother's first love back into our felt experience.
No blame. No guilt.
There's only the me who chose this path to be starved of the mother's milk.
I woke up with feelings of disgust and shame of what has been done to my mother's womb and thus, to my first home in this body. I felt my weak undernourished skeleton.
Only to have another dream the night after in which my own breasts were nursing several of my inner children at the same time.
But that was not enough.
... I'm familiar with the radical nature of the Feminine to bring Spirit into matter. To understand our physical flesh-and-bone-body as the divine vessel of our unique stream of the All-that-is.
The way to go is the path of truth. The truth underneath the most solid surface.
And so I would discover a mould infestation underneath my bed in the bed box in the middle of this journey. When I opened it, I experienced an allergic reaction that put a feeling of a breath-restricting pressure on my lungs and throat confronting me with my fear of death at night.
Only because I could not see or smell it, it has been there for a while. The seemingly Unseen coming into the Seen. The truth coming up to the surface. Literally.
What she wants to know is what's real. I had to leave my house until the situation would be solved. The familiar ancient feeling of homelessness arose in me. Being a nomad for several years brought up all the messy memories of a lot of times when I moved from one place to another. None of them ever did I call my real home. Struggling feeling my roots.
And then the picture was formed into its totality. I could see my very first home in my mother's womb and the link to my current experience. A feeling of the floor disappearing underneath my feet arose and when I looked down I saw myself sitting on a big wound. The one I know from the walls in my mother's belly.
The return to the motherly love - the return to the source of all creation – can only be met by me, myself and I within.
And so from one day to another I was being faced with expanding into a new deeper layer of anchoring myself into my own womb's home. No matter the circumstances around.
There was chaos. There was mess. There was uncertainty.
I felt the resistance of surrendering to this sudden situation. My nervous system striking in freeze. Not being able to let my body sink into Mother Earth' hands, but hovering a millimeter above the Earth.
I felt the resistance of making a move into a new direction. Of throwing myself into the Unknown.
I felt the resistance of teaching from an embodied integrated state in my grail gate and mentorship journey and serving my clients.
Yet, when I finally did surrender to the deeper medicine of this Spirit, I was welcomed with a feminine love of truthfulness, integrity and softness.
It felt like a warm embrace of my own wisdom from within. A call from my soul to take on this challenge. Because it is what is needed to align further with the undercurrent of truth.
Something always has to die in order for something else to be reborn again. The cycle of life. Which the Feminine has mastery of.
And by time, we become softer and softer to more easily and elegantly and gracefully slip through the bottleneck, from the cervix into the vaginal canal and onto the Earth' ground into the holding hands of the Great Mother.
It's the resistance that creates the suffering. It's the resistance that is the aching and constriction and stiffness felt in the body.
When it even can be orgasmic if we allow it to. But step by step. Initiation by initiation. There's no rush. Never.
All that counts is how alive we can be in our current experience.
I will leave it here with gratitude in my heart for the Spirit of the wagtail sent by Aphrodite.
Two weeks before this session began, I was woken by the sensation of what felt like a small, light animal hopping or jumping, both inside and outside my body. On the third night and for the following two nights, a Goddess came to me. She had long flowing red hair and a strong sense of the feminine, love, sexuality. I thought she was either Aphrodite or Venus. I was woken in the next night by what felt like a small explosion in my lower body and wondered if I was unwell, then realised it was literally a wake up call. There was a sense of a creature swimming through my body and lines from a ‘50s song “catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day” came into my head. There was a lot of water energy coursing through.
Then there was something like a creature thumping as a rabbit does and a duck billed platypus fed me from its beak. Then I saw the Goddess, initially swimming, then flying, pulling me, taking me with her through water and then air. Eventually I emerged via rocks by the sea into what I took to be Atlantis, with words from a song in my head, “there’s snow on the beach….”. I asked the Goddess if she could show or tell me anything. Horus then presented and said it was time to decide if I wanted to go further and that there was more work to be done. I said I was willing to do more work. I then saw Andy’s face. The goddess then told me two things she wanted and I was taken by surprise and didn’t feel able or ready to give and I said so and that I needed time about this which she seemed allowing of. There was then a feeling of a bird in flight, a strong sense of the feminine, sensuality, sexuality, love. A heightened awareness of and connection with the natural world all around and forthcoming Spring.
Huge deep sadness. Tears . Devotion. Kneeling down. Cleansing others.. Flying high. Many triangles within me and all around. My ovaries tingle. Told to listen to what my ovaries are saying. Huge tears within them. A desert - a tortoise walking. I feel deeply alone. Hermit - self contained will shine out. Throat tight. Wings beating out on of my heart but can’t get out. Total softening - melting. Throughout whole session my hands on my sacral. Not going anywhere, protective. Clear voice I am here for you. Armour asked to be careful.. observe armour. Tortoise in distance. I am lying on ground of desert dead. Then I am stepping out of me in a flowing white dress. Throat-Heart movement up and down between the two almost a ladder between. Also a constriction. Opening in my sacral- Massive opening- like giving birth to something . I realise I am crying- almost wailing. Softening softening. My left hand is on my heart. Tears pouring out of my eyes. Don’t want to close this all down but already feel a part of my doing that. Brush down I am fine. Invitation for another layer of healing. I think I need to trust that is what has just happened. Been a lot anxiety and fears in last days. Gone right now. Massive Softening. Gratitude.
A warm comforting energy is rising up from feet, legs through the whole body. Curling, spiraling, waving, cleansing through all tissues and energy bodies. I cannot close my eyes, they just want to stay open, not staring and still seeing almost 360 degrees around, without moving the head. My jaw feels loose and open, as if I have no limitations in opening my mouth. Again and again these comforting flushes of warmth spiraling through my.... Rising through my crown into the cosmos... What an amazing state to become cosmos, be the universe. Circling and flashes of light... Smooth and relaxing... And then being on mother earth... In the fields, hearing and seeing all this life, feeling it grow The plants grow... And it's like connecting heaven and earth.
Woww.... so blissful. Now many things make sense of the last weeks that I thought were random, the way I was pulled into my body, and I was often tired and then when I laid down it always felt like being pulled in more. So now, I felt first empty and was wondering what is going on, but the last weeks taught me about emptiness, the necessity and the capacity to be empty. The spirit of a goddess building up like a very slow and intelligent wave, suddenly she surrounds me and I haven't seen her arriving. What a rhythm, like the rhythm of feathers. Pink skies light blue oceans, massive windows. A Dancing goddess, I see illusion in her. I see how the last days have taught me to see illusion, my own and the illusions I encounter that others have... The gravity of Blind spots.... There is again some kind of emptiness somewhere. I feel now to the fully how i was pulled out of my mind often, last weeks. Often I was scared of that, now I suddenly have the capacity to let go of it. As I do I feel deeper, and see and sense blissful things. There is a portal of illusions like a doughnut shaped Sphere inhabiting many mirrors like doors. I float up. Into the blue sky, bliss energy. Masculine energy. I see a blue archetype god-like, wavering arms to cleanse the aura of a blue goddess, who is more etheric. He is devoted and its unclear if he cleanses her or if he wants her to return into her body. But somehow reasoning doesn't really matter, all is present. Presence in every breath and every cell interconnected with all. A seagull flying down landing on my arm. My heart open, I sense my spine aligning especially at the back of the neck. Beautiful energy stretching the coils. I hear vedic words. Then the energy of a whale - insanely beautiful and strong sensation, indescribable. Like a very deep connection and belonging. Suddenly I see pink iron hand cuffs around my wrists being loosened and taken away, my body shivers and I almost cry, a part of me is relieved another part afraid. I see them forming into a sling and an image of how I was hung in a past life, a hook on the back of my head. The sling turns into threads I'm given to weave with, they are magic and connect different times and lives. Then they grow quick into soil. Still feeling the sensation of bliss and emptiness.... Feeling that there is more.... And so much abundance. Thank you... So much gratitude.
I begin in darkness. An abyss. But it feels different. I animate the space. The world starts to form around me. Shapes taking shape, at my hand, my spark of creation. All from light. It is beautiful, what is created. In playfulness and joy, how I gaze upon creation in wonder. I sense a tight rope I am walking across, darkness all around. The rope itself is formed of light, one step at a time. Relief floods, tears come, as I realise I am creating the path. There will not be a moment where I fall off, this tightrope to the heart, for it is woven by a guardian, and there is no misstep in the creator’s hand. There is an immense movement in this abyss. I curiously sense what it is. There is a dragon here. It’s scales glimmer with shifts. Subtle, but I perceive. I know it is there. I create stairs of light to reach the dragon, running, I slip, turn the stairs to a slide which becomes a large leaf and I drift into it, and float upon water. And watch from there. In rest. The dragon appears when I have stopped trying so hard. When I watch, when I enjoy. I cannot say the specifics here because I do not remember. Suddenly, my head hovers in front of the dragon’s. There is a diamond resting at its brow. We press our foreheads together. I do not remember from there, I fell asleep. - I awake after the session is done, a dream is recalled. I was in an art shop, looking for something. She asks what I am here for, will I refinance? An odd question. She knows not what I am looking for. I’m not here to buy anything. I’m glancing at the array to see who sees. I will know when I feel it.
Wauw! What an amazing trip this was! First I got really aware of my body. My breath. The trust I have in myself and my temple. I feel warm, safe and loved. Cold dot under my left foot. Then my foot curls, like a dried leaf, in a cramp. I’m back in the fields where I was with poppy. I meet so many of the spirits we’ve met in the last few years. The plants, the crystals, the animals; it’s beautiful. They all show me strong memories and that it’s all connected and for one.
Then the fox again. She looks at me with compassion and expectations, a bit like waiting for me to show who I am and what I’ve learned in motherhood.
My arms shrink one third at least and feel like wooden sticks. Hedgehog Then they are totally gone. I feel like a turtle. I am the turtle. But laying on my back, with whole body in the shield. My head gets active; what happens with a turtle that lays on its back? Then I (as a turtle) sink into the water. Blue green water, light bubble's, an under water cave. I sink deeper and deeper until I touch the bottom and feel the turtle knows how to turn and swim away. Thoughts. Back into my head. No; leave it; stay in the body and space to experience. More water, but deeper and more open like an ocean. I’m a mermaid and swim with dolphins and wales. Then I fly above them. The love I feel is amazing!
Then suddenly very cold, even tough I feel the warmth of the blanket over me. Oeph I’m so cold and can’t move anything. Am I dead again? The voice tells me ‘yes you’re dead again’. Hollow, empty and heavy, dark, low laying eye sockets I feel. I am not afraid this time, I know soon it is different again. My arms are back; they grow into my wings now. Still I meet a lot of our previous spirits. Beautiful!
Pressure on my ears Then I lay as myself in this body on my back in the fresh green grass with clovers and camomile flowers. Peace Sunlight, golden light A flying squirrel from right to left over me Sudden a burning sensation in my vagina. I see deep pink and feel burning and stings inside. It’s resolving something, taking out? An energy goes out of my womb. More water again. Much water. Some resolving in my lower back too. Like a round, long pillow of warm air blows itself there. Or am I being lifted there?..
More happens, but I don’t remember now. In the end I feel a warm surrender and being one with my surrounding. Like I’m dissolved. I don’t want to move on, I want to stay in this relaxed mode. Then I feel lifted by something and finally it puts me in some sort of a box or basket, with my arms and legs over the edges. I’m sitting there, looking around like an amazed child that’s wondering how it came there and being surprised by what just happened all the sudden by itself… I stay a bit longer in my relaxed body before I move again towards the phone … It’s too good… When I walked from my spot of the session towards the bed, I was a bit drunk in my walk and also felt “too much” space between the junctions and muscles in my lower back. Reminded me of the time after giving birth and also when my SI joint was damaged badly.
Thank you so much Andy for this space, and spirit for all you’ve shown me. Gratitude .
Wow!! Starting with floating in a basket, then riding on a mysterious creature like a snake or fish, diving deep and suddenly I’m inside of my body, in my heart. I light the fire and make myself comfy, it’s a beautiful space. Then I’m in Egypt or some kind of temple surroundings. I’m a woman with great power and huge responsibility. Men speak into my ears and try to influence me, suddenly my right ear closes and I’m back in my heart space and a huge window opens into the universe. I feel: “You don’t need to ask anyone, all answers are here.”
Then it gets a bit uncomfortable, witnessing not so beautiful dynamics between men and women connected to Patriarchy. I move into my head, lots of thoughts. Then I’m gently pulled back and invited to stop trying so hard to figure everything out and just relax into this journey. Stop doing – rest and all will come. So I let myself fall into these frequencies and it’s unbelievably beautiful. With the last song a new space opened up. I wish I could put it into words, but it’s beyond. Intergalactic. Different galaxies. Home! And then suddenly I realize this is also inside of me. Inside outside all is one and at the same time. I completely stop thinking and surrender to opening and receiving. I feel colors, crystals, particles, everything. It’s only about receiving and enjoying. Being absolutely present in the love of this moment and in the space that you have opened dear Andy. There are no words for the experience. One of the most remarkable.
I’d like to add that in the weeks before I suddenly had the urge to „renovate my nest”. Letting go of the past, in stories I told myself and material things. Life was very much about selfcare, acceptance and selflove in a gentle and warm way. As if the spirit looked into my soul and was holding up a mirror. I also feel much more at home in my own skin. Very beautiful journey and proof of how powerful “soft and loving” can be. Deep gratitude.
wow. feeling spirit entering straight into my heart. big contraction. I cannot breathe. Moment of panic. Mindf*ck for some moments. RELAX. a feeling as if I am cleaned out from the inside with a silken fabric, gently removing what is not of need. Bliss..peace. swaying in a sweet spring breeze. Flying through space. Galaxies passing in front of my eyes. I see a woman, I know her, she is standing in distance in a white dress waving me to come to her. I start to go towards her. She has a kid on her side. It's me. I am me as a kid. Seeing through my eyes as a kid. A great beautiful sense of playfulness and innocence. There is a whole world to discover.
I am on a clearing in a forest, there is a deer inviting me to follow it. I start to follow, I become the deer I run through the forest. What do you want to be next? I turn into a tree. My roots growing deep my crown rising high. All of this feels so light and easy. My left hand starts twitching and turning. A voice: we have something for you. Back in the forest, back as me as a kid.. I am lying wounded on the floor. Forest spirits and all kinds of beings approach me and bring me to the forest hospital. There is a deep old wound with splinters they take care of. A golden thread being weaved onto my belly button, it connects me to the heavens and to the earth..to all that there is. Change of scenery. Planet earth gets shown to me. Deep sorrow. What has humanity done? Loud voice: YOU NEED TO REMEMBER!!!! I feel overwhelmed, what to do? I become aware of the cat that is sleeping on top of me since beginning of sessions. I put my hands on top of him. An explosion of light, an overflowing feeling of love. My arms open wide. I understand what was given to me earlier in my left hand. Seeing the earth again and many many people and beings that are holding hands standing all around the planet. How blessed I am all to be alive at this time. All of a sudden a super colorful parrot: see it's easy. Weird. Music stops. There was much more going on but I can not remember. Very special and beautiful journey. Thank you..
wow wow wow I "flowed" super fast at the beginning of the session like a kind of violet soft energy, all over the globe, I was infinite and I was EVERYWHERE. I spilled out in all directions as this purple liquid. Then I became wind, saw myself flying through the air golden... traveled to other dimensions. Everything was so far in me. I was everything and everything that exists was within me. I could feel everything what exists. Then I became a brown energy and was like pulled into the earth, deep in the middle of the earth. I became a root, all I could smell was earth. It was warm and calm. And I felt this power and wisdom of the root. After that I felt my pure essence. I was in one place. Parts of old lives, like skins, were removed, pulled down from me by other beings. The old parts died. Then I stepped into a kind of golden flame, a kind of divine golden fire and felt pure essence, divinity, potential, purity. freedom. My body was relaxed during this trip tonight. I feel deep basic trust and connectedness. I feel blessed.
Wow, I checked in with strong feeling in my heart. It was right into my heart. Even before it starts, i feel it beating incredibly loud. It's big. everywhere. In my whole body. My body is nothing but a heart. I'm crying and crying. It's pounding and pounding. Calm but so loud. Suddenly restless and trembling. Something is itchy between my shoulder blades. Then with the music I am floating. Flying. Yeah, I have wings. Flying Light and totally happy. Until I am pulled back and forth by something. Lovingly. I'm on the ground, then all of a sudden my solar plexus gets hot and it feels like someone is poking there with a knife and ripping open a big wound. Then suddenly the pain is gone. So I get up and keep flying. In general everything around me was very very bright, super shiny. It took me a while to come back even if it feels like I've been gone just for three minutes. I felt very connected and was super relaxed. Wow.
As soon as the music started playing, I felt like a gentle warmness was being wrapped around me and I was being rocked back and forth like a baby. I felt my heart become very light, it was as if a string was pulling on top of my chest, lifting the heartspace further up. It came with an overall feeling of peace, yet a deep sadness or melancholia at the same time. When tears rolled down my cheeks, I saw them as big shiny white pearls.
The next song was blue, it was underwater, I was free fallling backwards, being swooshed around in the midst of jelly fish, angelic, silky, whitish, see through creatures.
Then there was a huge spiral made out of rocks in the midst of the water, leading even deeper underneath the ground. We were all standing there on the top round of the spiral, I was looking at one after the other, the vision was going in circle as well. I didn't see faces, only points of light, yet I always felt who was in front of me. It was like I was seeing everybody's essence. We were all connected in a network, many intertwined strings, that were creating a safe net. When I broke down at a later point, with soundless screams leaving my mouth, when I felt unworthy of being part of that circle, it was like a was shifting into an embryo and then falling backwards out of the circle. Then you guys pulled on the strings and thereby pulled me back up amongst you. Few times I was breaking down and rising again, shifting from light to darkness, and you just witnessed me in that with so much love and compassion.
There was a moment when I felt strongly connected to another member of the group, it was like I was being pulled into his chest, into his heart space and we melted into one. When I resumed my form back again, there was a deep longing yet knowing, which I can not further understand now.
Most of the session I felt some energy moving through the heart space and through my shoulders and arms. At some point it turned into the visual of a serpent.
I also felt like I was being shaken gently, and my walls started to crumble away. I was freed of protection that I now don't need anymore.
More towards the end, the energy moved down into the lower part of my body and my legs turned into the legs of an animal with red brownish colour running through the forest.
My whole body was and still is, tingling and slightly shaking, I can feel life moving in and through me.
I feel peaceful now, and very tired. My heart feels open and sad yet hopeful at once.
Thank you Sabrina for your openness of sharing with vulnerability and raw empowered nature.
Sabrina came in with a group of 8 others, new to this medicine, mostly unaware as to how it moves into motion through the orchestra of life. A co-composer who comes in alongside and changes the tune, the frequency, the vibration, opening of floodgates, awakening of nuance and new sense.
In a world of women circles and feminine fraternities, who is this man here who freely mixes and moves through. The mother-line feeds into us all, from crystal clear channels and pure source or clouded from carrying sediment from further upstream.
What might have fallen into your ancestral Waters, what might be damming its flow, what of those who tried to manipulate its river mouth and those proficient in selective breeding and calculatingly connecting new tributaries to influence the course of life.
Those new to this work often ask what happens now, will I be different. Often we are unable to hear the chorus of cheers from those who came before us and those who come after us. This is selfless work and yet some are called upon to do it.
Thank you to those who feel the calling and those who commit to continue with this work. The gifts of grandmother later realised in revitalising ways.
Thank you to the group and to Maike for bringing in of new.
Thank you dear Aphrodite and Wagtail, forever in love.
If you resonated this podcast then you might also like to hear peeling back the petals, which explores the spirit of Rose.