the god of dreams

My name is Melissa and I’m from the Netherlands.I’ve lived there for my whole life until I left to Portugal in september 2020. Until then I’d worked as a recruiter in different companies, until I got fired in February 2020. This meant a big turning point in my life, because I’d identified with my job. After this happened questions rose like “when will I ever be good enough?” and “why do I feel so miserable after losing my job?” It marked the start of a journey back to self.

Why Portugal, you might ask.This wasn’t my choice. Everything was arranged to head off to New Zealand, but as we all know, Covid happened. So one week before my planned departure the destination was still unknown. It became clear to me in meditation. Where I saw myself on a beach. It was me, but wiser, older, and with an inner feeling of peace I’d never experienced in the actual moment. I asked “where am I?” and a voice replied “Portugal”. This marked the start of exceptional experiences for me. Without hesitation or question I walked to the computer and booked my one way ticket.

The last 2,5 years have been all about refinding myself. Shedding layers, there was no question about it. Every new experience was a learning moment that brought me further on the journey. It felt like following the breadcrumbs. Sometimes, there was so much fear present of following this bread trail. Nevertheless, I felt there was no choice. It was my path, my journey, I had to follow. Along the way I discovered ayahuasca, huachuma, kambo, rape, mushrooms, yoga, meditation, ecstatic dance, all incredible medicines that showed me my patterns and fears.

They showed me the power that past stories had on me. Sexual, emotional and mental abuse caused me to have a low self esteem. I encountered people who were able to offer support by working through this. The more I noticed myself changing for the better the more my mantra became “where there’s fear, there’s your growth”.

Bit by bit I started to become my unique and true self. Trusting my deep inner wisdom and knowledge. Following my bliss and standing out from the crowd. I could feel myself changing into a woman so far away from the norm. Some people admired me, others thought I’d turned crazy. And so did I sometimes. Am I living in a dreamworld? It all went so fast. What is happening? In a world that does not understand these kind of experiences, and also don’t want to, it was challenging to accept that this was happening with me. Trying to hold on to an old self and spending a lot of time in limbo. Feeling that the new was coming, but not yet ready to let go of the old.

The last couple of months were intense for me. On so many levels. I’d been traveling for months and been guided to a community in Portugal. A stabile, loving and safe place for me to ground. It felt as if I had to go to the deepest and darkest corners of my soul to resolve whatever was holding me back in living my purest life. Many unconscious patterns came to the light and questions rose “will it ever get better? Why am I doing this for?” Signs were being given that trust was needed and that this was for the higher good. The time of closing the old and me, accepting that I’d chosen this path, has arrived.

That’s when I got invited to join Plantally by a friend of mine 2 months ago. There were no questions or doubts, my intuition told me this was right. The first session was very beautiful, but this session from Blue Morpho was absolutely magical. This time, we had the choice to know which spirit we would be working with. I choose not to know to keep the mind out of the experience. With me there were just 3 other people who chose not to know.

In the first days after starting the session I could feel shifts being made. Unable to express in words, but felt inside the body and on an energetic level. My body was contracting, making strange movements and cramps. Sometimes my body was so tired, unable to get out of bed or I had to take naps. “What is going on?” I allowed my body to take a rest and let spirit do the work. Although it was impossible for the mind to understand or pinpoint what was happening, it was most definitely felt. Things were being cleared, rebalanced and that cost me my energy.

Until there came a turning point and I felt like going out. So I went out dancing for the first time in months. I’d forgotten how blissful I could feel being surrounded by beautiful people, music, delicious food and at an amazing location in nature. I felt as if I’d returned from a very long winter sleep. There appeared a new sense of belief in myself and where I’m aiming to. That everything is turning for the better.

One morning, I woke up feeling like a bear. Standing strong and fierce towards a big change that's coming. It's time to do it. No more excuses or hiding. I'm here and ready. I've noticed that I'm able to say "no" to things and people that are not for me. Unafraid for their response. I know myself, my power and what I stand for. I'm spreading out my paws, having some little ones behind me and can't wait to see them grow up to strong and fierce bears themselves. Until then, I'll be a momma bear. Full of love and protection.

I didn’t really feel like sharing much in our sharing group, which we normally do. It was a very internal change which was difficult to express in words. It was happening, but what was happening was not clear. After being through such a transition already in the last weeks I was curious to experience the main session. It started with many chills and yawning. Cold and shivers. Shaking from the body.

Entered in a space that felt light, joyful and was very spacious. There was no beginning and no end, all around was open like an open field. I felt safe. Can't describe in words, something I've never felt before. Sereen, bliss, empty, full..I could feel others around. Not in the sense of human, but more as in energy, spirits. There were older and younger spirits, where I could hear children laughing.

Then the surroundings changed into a forest. I was walking bare feet holding a torch. My legs were tired. If I’d been walking for a long long time.My head down, following an older woman walking on a clear path. She had long white hair and it felt very natural to follow her. All around were trees and I could feel and see forest animals looking back at me from the side. I could see eyes in the dark all around. I felt unsure “what is happening?” We stopped walking and my head folded to the back.I opened my mouth and something came out from deep inside my body. It felt as a very big sigh, a release from something that had been stored in the body for a long time. I collapsed on the ground with both my hands on the ground. I felt much lighter and asked, exhausted, close to devastation, but with belief “is it over? "Are we there?”.The woman held my right arm and at the left appeared a man. “Yes, you are here”, was their answer. With my last strength, being held by both these souls we started walking again. A tiger appeared and he was circling around my legs. I started crying out of grace. This is it. I could feel it. We walked to an open field where there were many brothers and sisters connecting with each other around a fire. They looked at me with a look of recognition. No words were spoken.

This blissful moment changed into another scenario where I witnessed a woman getting burned. She’d been condemned because of witchcraft. She was standing on the pile of fire fiercely, full of grace and trust. Looked at her with awe and recognition. More people were watching, but instead of showing fear or disapproval, they started singing and dancing. They were celebrating her and her gifts. She burned, but released as a spirit. I could see her transforming into a black kind of dust or cloud. She screamed with an open mouth and touched all the other women in the crowd. Passing over her gifts and strength.

I turned around and walked away from what was happening. Walking into nothingness with both a woman and a tiger next to me. Peaceful, empty, blissful, beyond words.

Returning to this world went smoothly, but I wanted to stay in my cocoon. I’d made my bed cozy and it was nice, warm and safe. It felt so beautiful and as a confirmation for what I’d felt in the last weeks: the end of a dark time has come.

I cannot describe what happened to me when Andy released the podcast and shared his experience.“When all around is dark, maybe you are the light” was the sentence that made me feel recognised, seen, supported. This was exactly what I’d experienced with my torch.I am the light.

The day after the session I shared with one of my sisters about the experience. Something I chose to not do often because of other people’s opinions. Fear to be misunderstood, to be seen as a crazy woman. The experience I’ve had here isn’t new for me. I’ve experienced the same kind in Ayahuasca or other plant medicines.

But the experience with plantally or the likewise experiences I’ve experienced in meditation cannot be explained. There’s not an external source helping me to get to these dimensions or layers. It is just me and spirit. Open to receiving insights. Free from the mind.

My experiences are becoming more lively each day. The trust in myself and spirit reached a whole new level. That's why I said to my friend, “I’m not afraid anymore to share about these experiences.” I want the world to know and return to love. I’d love for people to experience spirit which is only possible if you’re open to receive, feel and trust. So, we have to share. The morning after I woke up with a message from Andy with the question if I’d like to be the guest of this times podcast.

Universe listens. You just have to express.

It is time for me to come out of the cocoon that lasted for years. The freedom, trust and joy that's being felt isn’t able to be expressed in words. As all of the last years have fallen into place and I’m ready to spread my wings and show my unique beauty. Shine my light fiercely in the knowing that I’m never alone. Unafraid. Unattached. Free. Like a butterfly